Reflection on Part I: Conquering Self-Doubt and Procrastination
The first part of the course was aimed at curating a regular creative habit. Firstly, by setting various challenges to encourage us to approach our work in a different way. Secondly, by asking us to uncover some of the negative thinking which has sabotaged our previous efforts.
The main problem I have is commitment. I am impulsive and set off merrily on creative journeys – suffused with inspiration, trusting to fair weather, no need for a map. Then, inevitably, it starts raining, the territory gets harder, and eventually, I find the path blocked. The feeling of inspiration goes; it is replaced by boredom, drudgery, helplessness. Instead of looking for solutions, I tend to stop there. Then, usually, I spot a different path, going in a new direction, and I move onto another beginning.
Basically, I don’t finish things.
Curating a regular writing habit is obviously a structural answer to this issue; by following this course, I have created the time to work, and come back to the same project. However, as we all know, having something scheduled is not the same as getting it done. The gap between expectation and application can seem chasmal. So I have much appreciated Jacqui’s focus on mindset.
Uncovering our limiting thoughts is not easy; we can fear the process, find them hard to identity, and be overwhelmed if we do. However, I think that enabling thoughts are the key to commitment. Why is something worth doing? If we believe, deep down, that we shouldn’t or can’t write, then we won’t. The brain is obedient like that; it follows our instructions, even if they come from a corner of our minds we don’t pay much attention to.
My thoughts on the first part, then, are that the emotional work was the most valuable aspect, albeit the hardest. I was not able to make the flip between negative and positive thoughts so easily – I am still searching for the replacement thoughts which will change my outlook – and I imagine this will be hard for a significant number of others. But I will continue, and I hope you will too.
Novel draft progress
- I am the proud owner of 10,000 words
- I redirected the Day 10 session to another project, but found that I had made the loss up from writing more than 1,000 words in previous sessions.
Writing progress
- The biggest achievement for me has been turning up to sessions where I felt tired or demotivated or uninspired, and chugging along regardless. At the time it felt pointless, but I see on review that those were the danger times for previous projects; I gave into the temptation to give up because I felt bad. Now, I am prepared to work at building patience and resilience – invaluable qualities in this line of work.
Timings
As I reported on some days, there was a lot of hidden time required for exercises. I spent an average of 1 hr 50 mins on each session, including journaling, but excluding hunting for notebooks etc.
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